Dangerous Indiana

Dangerous Indiana

As a public service, I’d like to warn my readers to stay the heck away from Indiana this summer. The life you save may be your own!

As you might recall, a delegation of U.S. politicians, featuring Arizona Senator and Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain, recently visited Baghdad’s oldest and largest outdoor market of Shorja.

Senator McCain was accompanied during his leisurely stroll through the market by more than 100 heavily armed American troops, with armored vehicles behind them and Apache attack helicopters roaring overhead. The American VIPs themselves wore heavy armored vests the whole time.

Oh, yeah. McCain was also accompanied by some yahoo Congressman from Indiana named Mike Pence. Pence, who was characterized by The Indianapolis Star as “one of the most outspoken backers of continued U.S. involvement in Iraq” (www.indystar.com), had the audacity to claim the Shorja Market reminded him of “a normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime.”

Initially, Pence’s remark left me speechless! Shorja has been a repeat target of the Iraqi insurgency, having been bombed at least six times in the previous few months according to the New York Times. The day following the Americans’ special “made for TV propaganda” visit, twenty-one Shia employees of the market were kidnapped and murdered in apparent reprisal. After the Americans had left, witnesses interviewed in the market reported their unease, and complained that they’d tried to convey to their VIP guests just how unsafe they felt and impress on them the need for real, sustained security in Baghdad.

My second response was one of anger. Did Pence really fail to recognize the transcendent irresponsibility of his comment? Did Pence not realize that such American bravado in the face of daily insurgent violence would likely provoke a follow-up insurgent attack on the market or its workers (as did happen)? Is Pence really so ignorant of the violence that devastates Baghdad?

Sorry, I can’t accept that. For my own sanity, I have to believe that Iowa’s own Steve King is an anomaly. There simply can’t be TWO equally irresponsible ignoramuses representing the Midwest in Congress.

I’m forced to conclude that Congressman Pence meant what he said. The analogy must hold true. Indiana and Baghdad must be very similar, because the representative from Indiana would know the truth, wouldn’t he?

Ergo, Indiana must be a very, very violent place. Washington, send in the troops now! Better yet, let’s all stay away from Indiana this summer. No tourism, no travel, no stopovers, nothing. It’s simply too dangerous. Pence knows.

For your own safety and that of your loved ones, I repeat: AVOID INDIANA THIS SUMMER!

Peace!
Historian